


Divenire

by FiendMaz



Series: Oceans Will Part In This War Of Hearts [13]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alpha Luke, BAMF Alec Lightwood, Character Development, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Explosions, Hallucinations, Hurt Magnus Bane, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Possessive Alec, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Raphael, References to Depression, Rescue, Rescue Missions, Sad Magnus Bane, Self-Worth Issues, Vampires, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-27 17:17:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7627120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiendMaz/pseuds/FiendMaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec abandons his duties and fraternises with Downworlders to rescue Magnus who is trapped in a drug-induced state as a prisoner of the Circle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Divenire

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song "Divenire" meaning "become" by Ludovico Einaudi. I listened to it for the entirety of writing this fic.
> 
> [I changed something in the last work but it doesn't really matter to the story. It was just for accuracy because I re-watched and discovered Dot actually was chained. Still, I mean, why didn't Valentine use magic-nullifying cuffs?]
> 
> Last work ended with Magnus about to be drugged and Alec asking Downworlders to help in his search for Magnus.
> 
> __  
> This series is set in the Shadowhunters (TV) world so some things aren't as it is in the book but those that aren't touched upon by the show yet are based on book canon as obtained through the Shadowhunters wikia. The rest are written with liberty.

_Magnus stood on the dark slippery path, looking down at the city glittering and shining and bustling with life. Rain splattered on his exposed skin, wet. Droplets ran in rivulets following the dizzying path of his face into his open mouth. The crisp night air tasted fresh straight out of a midnight rainforest mingling with the saltiness of his tears._

_The world was narrowed in on nothing and everything. An explosion of emotions and feelings clashing with the blurriness of the world that kept on going._

_Walking precariously along the rooftop, despair echoed around and constricted the throat that grappled to breathe in oxygen. The need to_ end it all _so pressing and damaging that hovering one foot over the edge of the edifice was a much needed taste of freedom and not the death sentence to hell that it really was._

_Red lights flashed like great signs above the city of London as if to scream what society knew to be true; what society needed him to do. To die. And it would be so easy, so easy, to end it all. All the pain, heartache and terrible loneliness – hopelessness._

_He wanted to. Oh, how he wanted to._

_A swig from the bottle of alcohol in his hand sharpened him, giving a kick start through his whole being that made a question erupt from the haze of his mind._

_Will you end like this?_

_The question was important, the answer more so. In the deep end of the swirling mass of confusion and negativity, he knew the answer must be known. But at that moment with his heart beating fast, skin clammy and body collapsing under the burden of accumulated years of torture and agony, he thought maybe the question that really needed to be asked was: why?_

_Why was he born a demon, a monster? Would those be what defined him or would it be the overwhelming depression from heartbreak and loss that would?_

_All questions were important._

_But at that exact point in his life, nothing mattered except how in charge of his life he was; the coming exhilaration from being able to curse everyone who left him and let them know that he could leave too. Though, even as that thought tried to bring forth the euphoria he should be feeling from taking his life into his own hands, he remembered that demons weren’t mourned for, monsters weren’t thought of. No one living or dead, no memory and no being would care if he died._

_As an immortal, as a warlock, to live so long, he needed to be a myriad of contradictions; the centre of a clash between what he desired and what he actually was._

_In heart, he was a lover. A lover of many things but mainly of love itself. Of loving and being loved. Then of needing to love himself more than anyone else and being unable to. He had a need to be remembered and honoured yet also knew those weren't important, simply wanting to know he was loved or at least needed whilst alive._

_He considered himself to be a selfish man for wanting those things that mortals would get in a heartbeat because he wasn't a mortal. He was a monster unable to love himself and unlovable in spite of how much love he gave away. It was fitting or maybe it wasn't. But he was a survivor and he was prideful; self-sacrificing and compassionate._

_He was Magnus Bane and his world revolved around himself - except it didn't.  
_

_And maybe, that was a question in and of itself to extend from the previous lot of_ why _? Or not because he was a demon and that was that, wasn't it? That was the whole problem of his long dismal life._

_“Magnus, come back down.”_

_The voice called from far away. He refused it. What use was tenderness when it was evanescent? It wouldn’t combat permanent anguish._

_“Magnus! Get down."_

_Nothing would smooth over despondency._

_“Magnus Bane, is this who you are?”_

_It took a moment or a lifetime to realise his own lips uttered those words. However, it took only a second to answer what he knew in his core. That no, this wasn't who he was._

_“Magnus Bane endures what is unbearable and bears it.” Then, “but why?”_

_“MAGNUS BANE, COME DOWN TO YOUR FAMILY RIGHT NOW.”_

_Opening his eyes he didn’t know he had closed, he touched his damp clothes over where his heart lay. “What is family?” Came out of his mouth. “What is family!” He practically shouted. "I have no family."  
_

_“We are your family, Magnus. Please let us in. Let us help you.”_

_He turned, slowly, pivoting on the spot with one foot before settling the hovering one down on solid plates. “What is family when no one loves me?” If he were in his right mind, Magnus Bane would not have asked. But he wasn't; hurricane of alcohol and wretchedness that he was.  
_

_“We love you. We love you.”_

_He looked up with hooded eyes, half in darkness. “No one loves me only and that’s what I need. No one chooses me over everyone else and that’s what I need. No one is living for me as I live for them and that’s what I need. No one, that’s what I have. What I will only ever have."  
_

_“Darling, don’t be so pathetic.”_

_The words no longer came from the wind and rain. A figure formed from the wisps of smoke and out emerged blood painted on white skin like the red lights of the city, glaring and defying the blanket of the night sky._

_Her smile was as sinful as ever and just as cruel but it was softened by the nostalgic tainted love he had held onto for a long period of time in hope of his love being reciprocated._

_Hope that was dashed._

_“Love is fleeting. Even more so when you’re immortal.” She said in that sensual way she always did. “Hundreds of years old and still so naïve.” She sneered. “_ _We immortals don’t easily forgive betrayal. Especially one like yours; helping the Nephilim._ _Eternity is a long time to spend alone without others of your kind, Magnus.”_

 _“True love never dies.” He parroted. “Immortality is perpetual but immortals aren’t permanent. You forget, Camille, that mortals may be ephemeral but their essence are immortal because_ amor preservo animus _. Love preserves the soul.”_

_"And how will that save you? No matter how hard you love, there is no soul in you to completely love. You will fade out as empty as you came into the world; a demon’s child."_

_"Erased from existence, never to be remembered.” He took a breath and noticed that the rain had stopped, the air no longer cool but heavy and humid. “I'm unworthy, I know.” The acknowledgement came from deep within and perhaps it was that acceptance that made Magnus Bane realise that dying because he hadn't gotten the love he wanted was a new level of lunacy for him. His past should have taught him more than that._

_His past...  
_

_“I do love you, Magnus.” The older female assured lovingly. “It's just... You aren’t enough.”_

_"You say you love me." He had wanted to say to the last woman he had truly loved. "But your capacity for love is nothing to mine. What is love if you discard me so easily?”_

_He should have learned from then that he would never be enough. Not for her, his mother, his step-father or anyone else that have gone and were yet to come. The world had urged him long ago to be satisfied with what semblance of love could be offered in return for his bleeding heart. He hadn't listened. So he continued to suffer over wanting more and more until he met who he thought was a kindred spirit.  
_

_"You and I, Magnus, who endure forever, love in such a manner as cannot be conceived of by mortals."_

_Her wicked ruby lips and silver tongue had seduced him into a world of blind obedience. He had listened like a fool. Thinking that if a mortal's love wouldn't be enough for him, a fraction from the magnitude of an immortal's love would be. Greedy as warlocks were, he shouldn't have been so consecutively stupid. Why pursue something that couldn't truly be given?  
_

_So ultimately, he had caved: "I don’t need all-encompassing love.”_

_It may have been the biggest lie he ever uttered. Though, for the years that came after, he lived by it. Right up until he met the dashing boy decked in black leather with gorgeous curling black hair._

_“Who are_ you _?”_

_He had been utterly swept instantaneously off his feet and so effortlessly too. His heart had suddenly beat hard and strong, released from nearly a century of staying in a frozen state having iced over that one night in London when even with alcohol his body had failed to warm him._

_"Well done.”_

_His stomach had fluttered and warmth flooded the cold desert inside him. “More like medium-rare.” He had smiled inwardly and seconds later, his glamoured eyes met dazzling hazel ones.  
_

_His world changed then. Back to the world he knew from before: bursting of colours. He lost his sense of reality, of himself. If his lips had finally curved upwards and a genuine grin was released from deep within, he wouldn't have been able to tell. His focal point had been on the beautiful extraordinary bashful boy looking at him with unbridled curiosity and unrestrained awe.  
_

_“I’m Magnus. I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced.” Was what he said but inside he was saying something else. He was saying, “Can I hope?”_

_And when the young mortal Shadowhunter said, “I’m Alec.” What he heard was, “Try.”_

_So he did._

_And for a few glorious days he forgot again that absolute love wasn’t his to receive. He chased and fretted and lurched forward to stop the beautiful Shadowhunter, his heart beating wildly in his chest. “Don’t go barrelling into danger.” He had pleaded though what he meant was, “I’m not ready to lose you.”_

_His concern had been gifted with his name being said exasperatedly along with, “Jace is important.”  
_

_Worriedly, he asked, "More important than your life?” Really trying to clarify, “How about me?”_

_The reply he got was sobering: “He is my parabatai and my brother. Let me go.” It cracked his bandaged and bruised heart, the meaning screaming in his ears: “I love him. Not you.”_

_He backed down then because he finally remembered and he decided that this time around,_ he would settle _for whatever was given._

_But settling and being happy were mutually exclusive. He would settle, resigned, and be miserable. Live off of tiny episodes of brightness bestowed upon him by the mercy of the young mortal Shadowhunter. Settle with the certainty that not even a piece of the angel's heart would be his and, despite that, protect the fragile organ with his whole being. And fear, knowing he had no say in how the boy's calloused well-used bow-abused hands would care for his heart in turn.  
_

_Facing Valentine with that understanding, it was easy to sacrifice himself. He had always disregarded himself when it came to love._

_For demon's weren't to be loved, angels were. And who was Magnus Bane to go against love?  Yes, it was ripping him apart. Yes, he was hurting. Yes, he was desolate. Nevertheless, he was Magnus Bane and, for what it was worth, he would endure anyway.  
_

"Kau harus tetap kuat, nak.” _You must stay strong, son._

_He swallowed harshly and stumbled away from the unwelcome voice. The split second between falling off the rooftop and staring into the eyes of his mother wrecked him more completely than anything else._

"Ibu tinggalkan aku.” _You abandoned me, mother._

_The descent was less thrilling than he thought. The night was frigid, reaching absolute zero, the hail stung his skin and he lashed out from betrayal._

“IBU TINGGALKAN AKU!” _He screamed, eyes tearing up. “How could you?”_

_Her beautiful face peered down at him from over the edge of the building, sadness in her eyes._

“Maaf _._ ” _I am sorry._

_“Everyone is.” He twisted himself in the air to face the ground instead. “But you weren’t.” A flash of the last image he had of his mother came to the forefront of his mind, battered and broken hanging off a rope. “You weren’t.”_

_The free fall wasn’t freeing. All he felt as he hurtled down to the wet brick ground was dread. Dread and a nagging force that started ticking, the sound growing louder and louder; a reminder._

_“…you have to stay awake.”  His mind dredged up.  
_

_Alexander materialised solidly below him, face upturned and determined. “I’m coming after you.”_

_“…stay awake.”_

_“Magnus,_ please _!” Alexander cried out._

_Awake._

_“NO! Let go of me! Let go!”_

_Awake!_

_“_ MAGNUS _!”_

Brown eyes snapped into view from under glittery lids and took in the blue smoke dancing within the containment of the small room. He stood up fluidly – a mistake - and staggered, landing on his hands and knees. Then, he threw up.

Yum.

He wrinkled his nose in disgust and scrambled away from the pile of sick, mildly more coordinated. His sigh expelled enough breath that somehow cleared the putrid air of the cell. One narrowed look at his surroundings and he registered that the smoke had disappeared but the area now seemed to be glimmering cobalt in an inconspicuous way.

A surreptitious glance at his sparkling hands later, he flattened his lips to a grim line. His magic was back but it was also haywire. He wiggled his fingers and snapped for a fire. An explosion erupted and claimed the wall across from him, leaving a hole and pile of rubble.

“Oh dear.” He exclaimed.

Shouts resounded from above as a result although they seemed far away enough that he felt no immediate need to ready himself for a fight. Carefully, he raised himself to a stand. The clink of solid glass rolling on the ground floated into his ears in the midst of the loud cacophony from overhead. He looked down and perked up a bit at the sight of the vial Blondie had forced into his hand.

“What are you doing, man?”

Magnus jerked at the voice. “Jace?”

“Drink the fucking vial, _Bane_. We need to leave.” Blondie hissed from outside the cell, harried. “Valentine is on his way.”

“Weren’t you with him?” Magnus questioned then promptly abandoned waiting for an answer as Blondie simply gestured for him to hurry the fuck up. He crouched, swiped it from the floor and twisted the cap to chug it.

The effect was immediate; his skin rippled with magic, his glamours dropped and his throat constricted - something was wrong. “What…”

Jace glimmered as Magnus collapsed onto his knees, struggling to breath. He watched as Blondie morphed into Valentine. Because of course it wasn’t Jace. When had anything for the past fucking hours, days, weeks or months gone right for him?

“So gullible, demons.” Valentine tutted, baring his teeth in a feral grin as he left.

Magnus grabbed at his throat, trying to use his magic to alleviate his choking. But no matter how hard he thrust his magic, nothing happened. The lack of air started to shut his brain down until all he could think about was how he was probably going to die in this pathetic way.

“Magnus!”

He gulped and refused to acknowledge anything anymore. Though he did succumb to curiosity when a hand landed on his shoulder. It was Alexander. Sweet, caring Alexander looking stricken.

Magnus took in a shattering breath. “Real?” He managed to whisper before his body started convulsing. He collapsed onto the floor, writhing, and took in shallow breaths. Then, there it was again. Hazel eyes staring into his. “Ale – xander.”

He smiled or maybe he didn’t but he wanted to. Whatever had really occurred, as he stared into those bright hazels that saved him from the dark emptiness of his ghost of a life before and were looking at him in worry and not distrust, he thought this was a good way to die.

“Alexander…”

Magnus felt his heart stutter and used the last of his strength to touch the hand on his cheek. “ _Aku cinta kamu_ …” He mouthed, heartfelt.

“Magnus, wake up.”

“I…” Colours burst forth from nowhere growing brighter and brighter until he was blinded. He felt his magic bubble, the energy flowing and expanding like an untameable force. For a split second he felt fear then his magic exploded.

 

*~*~*~*

 

Snaps and twittering filtered through the thick green boughs of the forest. The leaf-carpeted path littered with broken twigs crunching and snapping under the brunt of the werewolves scattering about in forage, invading the land the moment they emerge from the glowing portal hidden behind a leafy dome of reaching trees.

Alec stood at the helm of a group of standing men and women a few steps away, paying no mind to the pack that spread out behind him. On his right was Luke, a barrel-chested brown man whose eyes were glittering green in the darkness. To his left was Raphael sporting a strong arrogant look, snowy skin complementing the colour of the moon. Behind them all were two women, Lily, whom Alec met just hours ago, her glinting dark blue hair contrasting shockingly with her pearly skin, and Catarina who might have blended in the darkness with her dark skin tone except for her short white hair that served as a sort of halo around her face.

“How will we know when they find him?”

Luke lifted his emerald eyes to the sky. “They will disturb the nearest trees.”

“Alright.”

Silence fell till Luke spoke again. “Why did you come here before, Catarina?”

“An old patient at the hospital,” Catarina answered, her white hair delicately flowing in the wind. “Her child was buried here long ago and she had no family left to ask to accompany her. I was curious about this island so I went along.”

“What’s interesting about this island?” Raphael questioned.

“Hart Island is the burial site of thousands of unnamed, unclaimed dead.” Catarina replied. “It changed purpose from being a prison workhouse for delinquent boys, a women’s insane asylum, an isolation zone during the yellow fever epidemic, an old men’s home, a tuberculosis hospital, a reformatory to what it is now, a cemetery.”

“It reeks.” Lily complained.

“Don’t breathe then.” Raphael snapped.

“There!” Luke pointed at the sky where a flock of birds shot out into the sky.

As one, they moved through the woodland, all conscious of the hulking figures converging in the same direction as they. Alec arrived at the scene first and held up a halting hand above his head. His eyes trained in on the decrepit brick two-storey house the werewolves were sniffing at.

The central part of the second floor was more or less non-existent, its only proof of existence were the metal bars peeking out from the top of the first floor and roof plates bent upwards almost as if something had yanked off the missing structure.

Luke held up a torn material from beside him. “They found this. It’s Magnus’.”

Alec took the ragged cloth and held it up to his eyes, cataloguing the familiar pattern. He pocketed it and took out his Sensor, pressing a few buttons. When it started vibrating, he clasped it back to his belt. “Couple of demons. Can the pack handle it?”

“Yeah.”

“There will be Circle members as well.” Raphael stepped forward, head tilting up. “The plan?”

Alec took out his seraph blade. “We spread out and cover the whole expanse of that first floor from this side. Destroy the demons and subdue the Circle members. But,” He turned around to look at all of them in the eye one by one, even the werewolves. “If your life is in danger, don’t hesitate to kill.” He glanced at Raphael then Luke. “Surely one of you know how to dispose of bodies without the Clave finding out?”

Luke shrugged. “We can burn them. Works well enough with mundane bodies.”

“We’ll do that then.” Alec nodded. “Can you assign a werewolf to lead me to Magnus?”

They all jerked when a sound not unlike that of a thunder disturbed the quiet peace.

Alec gripped his seraph blade tighter. “Move!”

In an instant, he was jumping through the open rectangle window frames into the building along with the rest and the fight was on. The demons roared and the Circle members drew out their weapons. Red sprinkles of light burst forth from every direction and every swing of seraph blades cast light onto the rubbish strewn floor.

Alec dispatched demon after demon, working through the whole place as he looked around for a stairwell. He guessed Magnus would be kept below as the explosion didn’t take place above. Though, he could very well be wrong.

“Alaric, stay with Alec!”

A wounded howl made him switch directions. He charged towards a Circle member about to make a fatal blow and swiftly knocked them to the ground with a well-aimed kick. The werewolf leaped onto the Circle member and Alec pressed his boot to the Shadowhunter’s throat. He stepped away when the body beneath him turned limp.

Alec turned around the same time a werewolf stopped before him. “Alaric?” He figured he’d take the answering howl as a yes. “Lead the way.”

They sped off, slaying demons along the way. His earlier deduction was proven when they went down a rusting stairwell. Halfway down, Raphael joined them, bloodied and with fangs bared.

Alec jumped down the last few steps and stopped abruptly at the sight of the yellow-lit floor lined with cell after cell fit for dogs or at least an animal the size of a tiny horse with no space to move. A few feet away, he saw a pile of soil and broken bricks. He strode towards the possible site of the explosion, sparing disgusted looks at the cells he went past.

“He’s in one of those.” A foreign voice announced.

Alec turned to see a scruffy man - probably Alaric -, rage boiling in his gut from what he heard. Beside him, Raphael growled and he was close to doing so himself. How dare they treat Magnus like this? Warlocks were human and deserved to be treated better than this.

“I’ll get Catarina.” Raphael said before going back to where they came from.

Alaric stalked along, sniffing the air, hands transforming into claws as they neared the rubble. “In here.”

Alec hastily drew a Strength rune as he walked over. He gripped the vertical metal poles; their combined effort detached the bars, as a whole, with a resounding bang. He let go to pull out a witchlight stone, flooding the cell with light.

Magnus was writhing on the floor, his hands enclosed around his throat as he choked himself.

Horrified, Alec rushed in and dropped to his knees, unidentified substances squelching under his boots. He cradled the thrashing body into his arms. “Magnus, stop. Stop, please.” He desperately tugged the warlock’s hands. “Magnus, please.”

His breath hitched when the warlock garbled out a word and redoubled his efforts at prying each finger away from the smooth caramel throat. “Magnus, can you hear me?” He hugged the warlock closer. “Hold on, just hold on. Shh…”

Loud clangs alerted him to incoming company and Alaric’s voice informed a welcome news. “It’s Catarina and Raphael.”

“Ale – xander.”

Alec’s eyes widened and he leaned in close enough for his forehead to touch Magnus’, tearing up in relief when he noticed the chocolate brown eyes gazing hazily into his. “I’m here. Catarina’s coming. You’ll be okay.” He murmured, cupping the warlock’s cheek.

“Is he awake?” Catarina asked upon reaching the cell.

Shaking his head, Alec pulled away from Magnus and watched as Catarina knelt down beside him. “He's unfocused. I think he's still dreaming somehow.”

“Alexander…”

“Of you apparently.” Catarina chuckled fondly, her glowing hands running just above Magnus’ body.

Alec managed a smile even as his chest tightened. He could still hear the words _“I love you.”_ In truth, they never left his conscious mind, their presence fuelling him and pressuring him at the same time. It was a mix of exhilaration and guilt, of euphoric warmth and cold unease. He didn’t do anything to deserve those words or the strong emotion that came with them. He didn’t know if he could respond in kind.

All he knew was that he wanted Magnus to be a part of his family. Whether that be as a… boyfriend or simply someone important to him as the warlock was already. Love in this form was something he wanted to avoid. It was something he never really could understand because he never had it impartially for himself before Magnus.

Alec audibly gasped as a hand covered the one he had laid on the warlock's cheek. He felt the jaw contract under the weight and saw Magnus mouth something. "Relax." He caressed the warlock’s cheekbone with his thumb and revelled in the silken chocolate-gold skin. “You’re okay.”

Catarina snapped her fingers and placed her hand on top of Magnus’ chest, magic pulsing steadily. “No, no, come on!”

“What? What is it?”

“His heart.” Catarina answered shortly.

Alec’s breath hitched. “Magnus, wake up.” He begged.

“I…”

Before he could begin to register that Magnus had spoken, he was yanked backwards. Yowls were heard and he pried his eyes open only to close them again with a groan. The whole cell was bright, so bright he could see it from beneath his eyelids. He was being pulled away, defenceless.

“Oh no.” He heard Catarina cry out and then a violent, destructive noise disabled his hearing. Pain erupted all around him as heavy sharp  _things_ pelted down onto him. His brain took a moment to catch up to the present, the ringing in his ears confusing him. He concluded the whole building must have collapsed.

Alec opened his eyes again and, ignoring the bricks crashing down, narrowed in on Magnus who was glowing white though the light was gradually becoming dimmer. He launched himself over and stretched out to cover the warlock with his body.

Dimly, he could feel his blood trickling all over and detected every solid hit on his body. He noted that the debris were coming down less, slower. As carefully as he could without exposing more of his body, he extracted his stele from his pocket and wiggled his hand to his throat, burning on an iratze.

"Move, I'll carry him." Raphael tapped his shoulder.

"No, I'll do it." Alec rebutted forcefully, illogically possessive, as he rolled off to his knees. He slid his arms carefully underneath Magnus’ body and lifted the warlock up with slightly shaking arms. Even if he sprained a leg, he surmised he still wouldn't allow anyone else but him to carry the warlock. That was his right and would hopefully remain his.

Catarina staggered over. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah." He gave a wan smile. "Let’s go.”

 

*~*~*~*

 

By the time Alec reached the top of the stairs and entered the loft, he was trembling like a leaf from the effort. He took a moment to lean on the wall, huffing, and listened to the murmurs from below where Catarina, Raphael and Luke were talking. His mind though wasn’t deciphering anything they said, fully intent on staring fixedly at Magnus sleeping peacefully in his arms.

He took a deep breath and held it as he pushed off the wall and made his way to the bedroom. In an attempt to keep up his strength, he bit his lip and grit his teeth to split his brain's attention from his exhaustion. It was with overwhelming relief when he laid Magnus gently onto the bed so as not to jostle the warlock awake.

Catarina came in the bedroom and Alec left without being told. He found himself sharing the living room space with Raphael and detested it. As friends went, Raphael was a good one. Considering the cold reception he got at the Dumort excluding Lily, it was rather risky as a leader to leave with him to search for Magnus. Still, Alec was too tired to care about being unreasonably jealous so he flopped down on the couch and stonily appraised the vampire. “Not leaving?” He took out his stele and leisurely marked more iratzes onto his body.

“I have things to say to you.” Raphael sat down across from him. “Magnus assured me you had nothing to do with breaking Camille out of the Dumort but Nephilim are one and the same to us Downworlders. I don’t _mind_ you, Alec, and for Magnus’ sake, I’d like for my Clan to forgive at least you. But you aren’t special just because Magnus has singled you out.”

Alec sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Way to break the silence by a heavy conversation though it was high time they talked about it, he supposed. With the threat of Valentine looming, this much bad blood between the Institute and the Clan was bad. His sister and Clary being the main reasons for this merely meant it was up to him to clean up the mess. As usual. “I know that and I agree.” He acquiesced. “If it means anything to you, on behalf of all of them, I would like to extend my apologies to you, Raphael, as Clan head.”

“Words cannot solve this. Not after Clarissa betrayed our trust. The clan wants an official apology.”

“What exactly are you asking for?” Alec wondered out loud, racking his brain for potential negative effects. He and Lydia had been working on getting the Institute handed to them both and he knew for a fact that Lydia was supposed to have sent the request yesterday. If approved, an official apology from the Institute would be easy. If not, Lydia would probably understand anyway so it wouldn’t be too much of a problem. As for the Clave…

“I want an apology from the New York Institute and the Clave for breaking the Accords. The showiness will appease my Clan.” Raphael raised an eyebrow.

Alec breathed out slowly. “I can’t tell the Clave. The Institute, I can do – to an extent. But the Clave, no.”

Raphael shook his head. “Magnus said you’re an honourable man.”

“You were there when my sister spearheaded the mission to free Meliorn so you know about it. The Clave used her connection to him and blamed her for it. She was put on trial and was nearly stripped of her runes.” Alec worked his jaw. “I will not – I _cannot_ allow that to happen again. There must be something else.”

“Ah, _justo_. The one thing you hold above all else, protecting your family. How could I forget that you almost married a woman to save your name?” Raphael was close to sneering though Alec felt it wasn’t directed at him but his race as a whole. “The way I count it, your little group has made two grievances against my Clan so I want two favours in return. How’s that?”

“As long as the favours can be dealt with by only me, my siblings and Clary then I agree.”

“ _Bueno_. We’ll keep it between the Clan and your group.” Raphael eyed him. “I hope you know I’m only being this lenient because of your relation to Magnus.”

“I’m grateful for it.”

“On another note.” Raphael pinned him with another stare. “The next time harm befalls Magnus because of you Nephilim, I _will_ hold you accountable, Lightwood.”

Alec nodded with a grim smile, half-wry and half-self-deprecating. “I deserve that…”

“You’re a strange one. I don’t think we’re on the same page.” Raphael tilted his head. “What happened to Magnus because of Camille is entirely your sister and Clary’s fault but this, him sacrificing himself is a mere by-product of his attachment to you. It isn’t necessarily your fault. What I _am_ blaming you for is pulling him into your Shadowhunter affairs.”

Raphael stood and walked closer until he was a step away from Alec. “I’m not sure you cared enough to know but Magnus has been shirking his duties as the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Add that to the fact that he's helping you... The Downworlders aren’t happy with him nor is the Clan. He’s not even supposed to be here anymore. He has temporarily vacated his position and was about to leave before you lot dragged him along to your mission.”

 _Leave?_ Alec inhaled sharply. This was news to him and admittedly, Raphael was right. He didn’t even bother knowing the consequences of Magnus joining in on patrols and missions. All he had thought about was his own happiness at being able to spend time with Magnus without neglecting his own duties. Never once did he bother finding out why the High Warlock of Brooklyn had so much free time.

Shit. He was such a failure. Every damn time. And he told Magnus he’d be better, he’d _promised_.

“Stop beating yourself up.” Raphael chastised. “Magnus is older than you and he can make his own bad decisions. Just don’t encourage him. And stop involving him in Nephilim business.”

Alec squinted at the vampire. This was perhaps the most confusing conversation he had ever had to partake in. Even his mother’s intent was easier to decipher than Raphael’s. “What exactly do you want me to do?” He asked, reminiscent of his earlier question. “I understand Magnus wanting to be by my side during patrols and missions so I won’t be able to reason with him on that. I’ve done what I can to keep his involvement in the dark so that the Institute doesn’t know anything and neither does the Clave. There’s nothing I can do about the Downworlders.”

Raphael sighed, frustrated, and walked away to sit back down. “Magnus is an idiot.” Was the matter-of-fact toned reply. “There’s nothing you _can_ do, regrettably, if you insist on being understanding with him.”

The sound of a door opening alerted them to Catarina stepping out of the bedroom. “I don't know what drugs were injected into his body but they aren't life-threatening. He'll be fine after a few days so long as he doesn't strain himself. Will you be taking care of him?”

Alec met her eyes and nodded. “Should I call you when he wakes?”

“For my peace of mind,” Catarina smiled. “Otherwise, don't hesitate to call if you have other things to do or if you need help. Magnus is quite a handful when he's restricted from using magic."

"I'll keep that in mind."

“Then we will go.” Raphael declared, standing up.

Alec looked at him, contemplative. “Will I be allowed to visit Hotel Dumort?”

“What for?”

“I think there’s a lot more you need to lecture me about.” Alec replied softly.

"I don't enjoy lecturing people, I'll have you know." Raphael smirked. “But, if you need it, I'm sure the Institute has my number in file.” The vampire tilted his head to Catarina. “You can also talk to her.”

Catarina’s smile turned encouraging. “Magnus has his reasons sometimes but ultimately, I wouldn’t mind steering you in the right direction.” She turned to glare at Raphael. “Without speaking about things Magnus doesn't want Alec to know.”

Alec startled. “What?”

Catarina switched her attention back to him. “About the reasons he's temporarily vacated his position.” She moved in closer to take his hand. “Magnus cares about you a lot and there isn’t much he won’t be willing to sacrifice. However, do not let that be any reason for you to leave Magnus.” Her voice turned hard. “If you do, I guarantee it won’t just be Raphael who will give you hell for it.”

“ _Bien dicho_. Well said, _amigo_.” Raphael praised lazily.

Alec shook his head. “It has yet to cross my mind.” He took a breath. “I swear on the angel I won’t leave him for it. As Raphael said, Magnus is capable of making his own decisions. But I will learn to know better how to discourage him before he does this sort of thing again.”

Catarina squeezed his hand then let go. “Good to hear. Now, we’ll be going so take care of Magnus for us.”

“Will do.”

Not a moment later, they both vanished into a portal and Alec proceeded to the bathroom, gathering towels, a bowl filled with water and a robe. He entered the bedroom, set them all down and shuck his jacket off. He then took a deep, steadying breath and set to work cleaning Magnus up, redressing the warlock afterwards.

The sun was up in the sky by the time he finished. He had deposited the cloth and basin in the bathroom and was currently reclined on the bed with Magnus’ head laying on his chest as he lightly brushed his fingers through the warlock’s loose bangs. Alec bent over and kissed the warlock’s forehead, lingering for a moment before tugging Magnus closer to his body, curling an overprotective arm around the slender waist. Content, he drifted off to a light sleep.

 

*~*~*~*

_We are the heroes of our time._

_But we’re dancing with the demons in our minds._

Heroes – Alex and The Talai Lama

**Author's Note:**

> I poured over this a lot. I actually thought I wouldn't be able to post it on time because I went through so many scenarios before I ended up with this one. Thankfully, music helped me get into the right mindset haha And also, the fact that I'm not on my internship yet meant that I had time to write.
> 
> If it wasn't clear, Magnus was dreaming and hallucinating the whole time.
> 
> Do kudos then comment to tell me what you thought of the fic! Thank you :)


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